My Thoughts

Hell No! Not Me Too!

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It’s been a while since my last blog post on the site and I must admit I have missed putting pen to paper to write my pennies worth on some of the more topical issues of the day. It’s been a struggle to find the time and even the inspiration to put thoughts down particularly when one’s thoughts constantly revolve around daily hustle and bustle of life. I am hoping that I’ll be able to resume posting blogs on a more regular basis than I have done these past few months and thanks to those friends who kept urging me to put out some more blog posts. So, what’s been grabbing my attention lately?

Well, quite a lot really. It would seem every time you open the page of some tabloid or turn on the news there’s some latest hashtag movement being hailed or some feminist apologist making some claim about how they suffered sexual harassment several moons before it dawned on anyone that placing an unwanted hand on a female knee could ever have been construed a form of sexual infliction worthy of note. Everyone appears to be falling over themselves these days to claim that once upon a time they were, err– ‘sexually harassed’. I guess strictly speaking, if one was to go by the rule book of the political correctness pandemic that’s gripped this society, even I could be regarded as a sex predator – at least of some sort and before you go rolling your eyes in horror to dial 999 or a tabloid newspaper desk to relay the next juicy story, please read on.

In keeping with our rabid political correctness I should be owning up to being not just a victim of sexual harassment but also a perpetrator of it; that is if one was to take into account the frequent enough occasions I have flirtatiously fluttered my fake lashes at some bloke just for the sheer fun of it OR coyly sent a male counterpart a perfectly harmless or banal text message only to insert a flirtatiously overtoned sentence at the end – again, just for the fun and mischief of it. I didn’t at the time stop to wonder whether my actions would be taken offensive as they were done in the spirit of harmless flirtatious mischief. Thankfully, to date it’s never been. Perhaps, nowadays there is actually no such thing as harmless flirting because it seems anything bordering on indicating the slightest interest in someone of the opposite sex is open to being misconstrued as major misconduct. My thoughts on the matter goes like this: if I expect others to appreciate the harmlessly flirtatious and mischievous aspect of my nature then I equally would expect to be quite accommodating of others in this same regard without pinning derogatory labels on someone who might not always observe the expected or standard etiquette when dealing with the opposite sex.

Even sending an unsolicited text these days leaves one open to the accusation of being labelled. For many of these women who claim to have been victims of sexual harassment, it would seem that the only way they can heal from their ‘trauma’ is to go public and allow themselves become part of the media circus that invariably leads to the risk of ruined lives and families. I have no doubt some of these men might deserve the public ridic but whatever happened to the ‘innocent until proven guilty’ axiom? It’s not something I coined. It’s one of the democratic tenets of our so-called civilized society yet it seems that all it takes is for one or more accusations to be levelled at someone in the public eye about committing some sexual misdemeanour and the media, Hollywood and even the political establishment goes into meltdown. Even condemned murderers seem to have fairer treatment than anyone accused of pinching a woman’s bum; even if this occurred twenty years back. What the hell is going on here with us all?

Men who though might admittedly have behaved with some lack of discretion and regard, in my opinion certainly don’t deserve to have their lives destroyed by public vilification as we so often see in the media and public domain these days. A man or woman for that matter (I hasten to add woman before I become labelled as one with a gender bias) should not be guilty because a hundred men or women come out to allege something against them; rather they should be guilty if they have been proven guilty either by their consciences or by a court of law. The former is always a lot harder if not impossible to establish so that leaves us with an established rule of law to help determine one’s guilt or innocence. It’s not the role of the media or the public to be judge and jury otherwise we do away with the need for the rule of law. Moreover, it is often the case that those of us who often bay for the blood of others often have worse or similar skeletons of their own; the only difference being that we have not been unfortunate enough to have our moral (or should I say immoral) skeletons released into the open to be weighed, judged and condemned by all and sundry.

I guess you already know where this is heading so I’ll save my literary ire for the continuation of this in my next blog post. All I am going to add at this point is I am not convinced that the#Me Too movement is not a movement of basic hypocrisy and double standards at the very least. So, #Me Too Nothing! I am not in any way attempting to undermine the seriousness of genuine cases of sexual harassment as we do know that there is a lot of these sorts of violation going on in the world and even worse. Harrowing stuff carrying on under our very noses yet we choose to make a big deal about a bunch of predominantly privileged women (at least in their current statuses) who now want to redefine the definition of sexual harassment for the rest of us ordinary women folk just because once upon a time they happened to be on the receiving end (in many cases)of mild to moderately inappropriate sexual behaviour that could have perhaps been fobbed off with a stern rebuke or simply just cutting ties with whoever caused them offence.

Well, maybe not quite that simple but hey, if you are a fullfledged grown up woman with hands and a mouth there’s a lot worse that could happen than someone wanting to grab an undeserved snog from you or illicitly stroke a nipple (sorry to be somewhat crude)! The first thing I’d do if I really wasn’t interested is respond with a firm refusal and if that didn’t work, then a stern rebuke or even slapping the offending hand away and if none of that worked I’d leave and that would be the end of that. What I certainly would not do is wait ten years or even longer to divulge it to the media or public just because someone else came out to declare their own experience. Each person to their own but I refuse to join the blame pack and her dmob by cosying up my experience with someone else’s just for the sake of besmirching someone’s public reputation however well they deserve it. I’d rather confront a man’s advances if I thought them unacceptably intrusive by confronting it there and then or cutting them off.

If the socalledviolation claimed by these woman happened so far back and they had for so long managed to go keep it secret, then either a secret it should remain or make it a police matter and quit the hanky-pankying around with the media and publicity. I genuinely don’t understand this compulsion to go public with everything as if that in itself was the therapy and counselling needed to undo whatever damage being claimed. I accept that in some cases going public with experiences ends up being a lifeline for others who might be similarly affected. I guess it boils down to personal judgement. In my opinion, ‘problems’ such as those of a man stroking my knee inappropriately, imposing an unwanted kiss or sending me inappropriate texts might well be intrusive and annoying but however repugnant I might find such behaviour I could never personally regard it as damaging to me. It’s more likely to be the case that he would get damaged by a punch to his eye or elsewhere more sensitive. What the heck!

As I stated earlier, I really don’t want to ridicule genuine cases of harassment experienced by anyone famous or not, who happens to have been unfortunate enough to have been genuinely subjected to harassment of any sort or worse. These incidents do happen and they are absolutely real to those and for those who have been victims. I know this fact only too well,but my experience remains personal to me and not for anyone else’s consumption.With the growing tidal wave of anti-male hysteria and histrionics on the rise,I feel unable to connector to be mentally or emotionally stirred by this so called #Me Too movement. I therefore propose my own hashtag which is this: #I want to reserve the right to be sexually propositioned by a man without him worrying about whether he will become the next casualty of a politically correct, lame-faced hashtag movement. Phew! Hard to spew all that out in just one breath but you catch my drift by now. In no way am I endorsing scandalous or sexually inappropriate behaviour but please let’s acknowledge that there are degrees of indiscretion and not every instance needs to fit in one big category of ‘predator’ or ‘perpetrator’ or worse. So, within reason please leave the men to be men and let women like us enjoy them that way. One day I might even look back and chuckle with nostalgia at the times when some man so lost his head over me that he did something mildly inappropriate or foolish. That’s the prerogative of being a woman. That’s all for now. There’s more to be said – to be continued in my next blog post. Thanks for reading! Please share!

From the heart,

Kobi Emmanuella-King

1 Comment
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